Things change as you get older...lol

I can't believe I'm saying it lol.....off we went to the fair, £2 to £3 a ride, for a four year old, I remember when it was 50p a ride and half price on a Thursday night.  I have to say that the rides are amazing, a train that soakes  you in bubbles, lol, kids versions of adult rides, however one thing has not changed, win a gold fish and no we did not bring one home....lol

Mum loves Saturdays, car boot frenzy,lol

I love saturdays, carboots, (like a big garage sale), we have so much fun,

Bedtime Feelings

A real busy day today, with normal appointments, Work, kids, home all the things that women do, all the time in my mind I'm contemplating the future and enjoying the fact that I have choices to make, I believe that every child we have , you can kiss goodbye to the first four years of their life, what I mean by that is that until they go to school full time,you are responsible, when it comes down to it wether you are married or a single mum.  Some people would disagree with this statement but there you go.  I have two children at college and one little man going to school full time on the 29th September.
I think because he was a change baby( on the menopause and HRT at 36) to find out at 40 that you are pregnant with my history,well!!!!! Talk about mind blowing in every way.  I have no regrets , life is a gift, and he certainly has been.
I remember at my 20 week scan, I'd convinced myself I was having a girl, because the thought of another boy and the risk of autism and living all that again filled me with such fear, when she said it was a boy, I freaked out totally, lol, I can see the nurses face now utter shock horror.  On the drive home I was reminded by my wonderful husband that we had managed once and we would again if we had to.
It all seems so long ago...........in a few weeks he will be going on his path in life and mine we'll we will just have to wait and see!!!!!

Mum, friends, life's Angels

During my life there have been hard times, fear, lost,alone, so alone that some people just could never imagine, times of desperation, deep in depression, violated, abused physically and mentally, sexually, post traumatic stress, bald due to alapchea, I think I've spelt it right....lol and on and on

Don't think ohhh here comes the sob story, let me finish.

At these times in my life, angels! In the form of people have entered my life, helped me live and helped me survive, words would never be enough to explain the kindness and goodness that these people gave to me in my time of need.

However I would like  to say, to my own shame at some point later in life , I let these people, my angels down.

I find it ironic that when my angels needed it, I could not be there for them as I am only human and circumstances would not permit it.

Imagine having your sick child having brain scans in a room and one of your angels in the same hospital down the corridor , your already as a mother at breaking point.............

But something I have done in their name is carried on the kindness and goodness that they gave me and helped others in their time of great need.

I would like to think that they are aware of this and with their understanding of my life, forgive me

Normal'!!!!!!!!

This little word which means such a lot to some and so little to others!
To me normal is what generally society expect, in whatever generlisatin you are using, for example , when talking or answering a question about something that there may be a different, there is a normal starting point, to me now normal in relation to describing a child I would tend to use the word  "main stream"which in turn whether  it is politically correct or not I don't care.
I think when you have had and raised a child that was not normal in their development ,this word tends to represent your dreams or something that you have not got. I'm sure this would be a great discussion point.  I have found that as my son got older I can use this word without the heart ache it once caused.

Good morning World!

What's important, money?, belongings, love, happiness, how do we measure accomplishment and failure as an individual, I think we would all answer this question differently.  I did the walk of shame today at my sons school, I did not send the libary book back in yesterday and could not find it this morning. What planet am I on I ask myself, why do I feel such a bad mum? I'm not I'm a good mum.

We only have so much land, what's being done!!!!!!!! Night time thoughts

I've just finished watching the documentary on the people on the French side trying to get into the lorries to come here.

WHAT IS our government doing about this!!!!!not a lot, wake uppppp, sort out our borders, the French don't seem to care, but then they know they don't want to stay there, they all want to come here, our resources are stretched if not splitting at the scenes, would somebody some where , wake up and see what's happening to our country, I wonder how much the one man that wanted to go home cost our country/tax payers , with his stint inside, shoplifting, working and on and on, he wanted to go back to his own country but because he burnt his own passport, his own country would not let him back, rant over

English Countryside

For beautiful things, you don't have to look far

Forty four and not seen befor

i

Ive been thinking a lot about this blog in the last few days, what to write, what to share, who's going to want to read about me and my opionions and views, about life and the world we live In and I've decided to hell with it, I'm going to start putting pictures on and write and write and hopefully people will read and read.  I've found gardening, lol I weeding  earlier this week and with my body I sort of sat on a square and pulled the weeds out from either side of them and then I would move the square, this was fine and worked well and then, I sat flat on the square and could not get up, I was stuck at the top of the garden, sat on my square, shouting for help, from my oldest son who was in the house, about 10 minutes later my 4 year old William came running out.  Go get your brother I said, ok mummy and I heard him go in the house, mummy wants you I heard him say, I was still there another 10 minutes later cursing the world and my body and my sons , lol, you alright mum he said, no I'm bloody not...help me up I'm stuck and we laughted together has he pulled me up

Night time thoughts

Life is such a maze of twists and turns and dead ends, when I was in my twenties and trying for children, there was a period of time that I truly believed I would never have a child of my own, I think this is the cruelest kind of torture for any woman and I know that after some years when I was still not pregnant I questioned my own womanhood and truly believed that I was not a true woman as the difference between men and woman was that women  carried children and men didn't, so what sort of woman was I, and yes I can understand a woman desperate for a child, stealing one in a moment of desperation

Wonderful people

You turn on the news and it's sad , the whole world is mad, mankind as a speices, is very bad, the planet earth we have destroyed, I feel so bloody mad.....why can we just not be glad.

It's a lovely day and I feel so lucky to be here and alive. Not in a war zone. There are many kind and wonderful people out there, why do we not hear about them? 

Thoughts at bedtime

I'm really new to this blogging and technoldgy, I've had a busy day, my feet especially my right one has been bad all day, I've had four diffrent operations on each foot, 18,28,38,42 years old, so my feet are like dead pieces of my body which I just happen to have to stand on, no heels for me lol....just crocks and the odd pair of trainers or boots that I may be able to wear for a little while.  I've had two operations on my spine, the first one I lost all bladder and bowl for a week, but hey ho it came back, never worked right since thou, fibremalgia we will chuck that in for good measure , so if I sit or hold a bag or try and put diesel in my car, my hand locks and hurts or my legs lock and on and on, I could go on but I wont, I watched my son and his friend playing today in the garden trying to make Disney planes fly by tiring them on the rope swings, it was hillarious and I thank god for my life, no, I'm not a bible basher  but yes I am most definitely a believer.
I lived in Pa in the USA, when the twin towers were hit , I've been thinking about that a lot in the last week, that changed my life in many ways, god bless the families who's  life's were changed for ever on that terrible day through the loss of a loved one.

What is it with DOCTORS

Here we are me and my four year old, at the doctors for 8.30 am, he's been driven mad by his bottom and his stomache burning for the last 6 weeks he has also being messing himself, which is unheard of, he has has been toilet trained since he was 2 years old,
THe doctor arrived when we had been waiting 4 minutes he called us in 12 minutes after my appointment time, no apology.  Then it began, they don't look at the history, they don't realise that you only bring your child when it's a last resort, he does not have a temperature, I know that he's not ill as such just his bum driving him crazy and his stomache, he then made me feel like the dirtiest mother in the world, how often does  he bath, what does he eat, when does he eat, ohhh he does have a balanced diet then, who baths him, in our case shower him, I do every night just about , does he wash himself, yes and then I shower him, when did you last change his bed and on and on, I find myself saying we are clean and he is looked after,  so in the end he sends me away with worm medicine todo twice in he next two weeks, I would not mind but he was wormed about 4/5 weeks ago, and I watched my son at the doctors door, bending and trying to be comfortable in his clothes and I thought here we bloody go again, I know my son , I know he is probably stool controlling(which is we're they donot go to the toilet when they need too) due to them being busy or deeply involved in their activity which in my sons case is the ipad, he screams at night for a cold drink saying his tummy is hot and lays on a cold leather piller to cool it down, I remember yesterday when we went to town and the boy was that uncomfortable he could not walk or stand properly and I feel so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!, if I lived at the doctors week in and week out I could understand it, but I dont, 3rd time round mummy, one autistic son, who had worms a lot growing up, yet I still feel like that neurotic mother, who does everything wrong, they make me feel like that.....so I'll try again the bloody worm medicine and see what happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mum the Taxi

Should we pick up and collect our tenagers?  When I was my daughters age, there was never the taxi of mum and dad, and some of my family and friends would hitch hike, with the old thumb out...lol it's very dangerous and I would not let my daughter do it, but sometimes when I'm picking up or dropping off up to 5 times a week at 9.15-11.00pm I. Ask myself am I normal do all parents that drive do this?

Mum for life

We'll what can I say!!!!, I've had an amazing life in  my opinion  , 3 kids, 2 at college and a 4 year old just about to start school full time, my life will now be my own.
My change baby and miracle as I call him in two weeks will start his journey in life, which in turn means my life as me and not mummy will begin again.

Before anybody says anything I know that you are a mum for life!!!!
WHAT am I going todo!
Write my book!
Sort out my house!
Work I've always worked